How Self-Compassion Boosts Goal Achievement: 4 Steps to Success and Personal Growth
Imagine your best friend comes to you, feeling like a failure because they missed achieving their goals. Would you ever say, “Of course, you’re a failure! You’ve never hit a goal you set, and I expect you never will. Why don’t you just quit and admit you’ll never be successful?” And then sit back with a self-satisfied smile, believing your harsh words will push them into achieving their goals?
You would never say this to your best friend!
So why do we feel it’s okay to talk to ourselves this way? What if there was a way to blamelessly look at the outcomes we’ve had, honestly assess what worked and what didn’t, and reset our sights with optimism and joy?
There is a way—and it starts with self-compassion. If you’ve ever been too hard on yourself, read on.
How Can We Achieve What We Want and Be Compassionate to Ourselves?
Let’s explore four steps that will help you achieve your goals while practicing self-compassion:
Let Go of the Connection Between Your Worth and Your Achievement
Appreciate “I am doing the best I can, and it is always enough”
Dream a Soul Yes
Choose One First Step
1. Let Go of the Connection Between Your Worth and Your Achievement
Let’s talk first about what exactly compassion is. It’s not pity—whether self-pity or pity for someone else. It’s a little more than empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, putting yourself in their shoes and experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. It’s about being present with someone in their experience and showing that you genuinely understand what they are going through.
Compassion is similar but takes empathy a step further—it includes a proactive element, a desire to take action to reduce the suffering you observe. Compassion includes appreciation, gratitude, empathy, and love. Could you feel these for yourself? Does that make you feel self-indulgent?
What if you appreciated yourself just because you’re you and not because you accomplish something? Are you afraid you’ll get lazy and lose your motivation to achieve your goals?
Many of us feel that way—we feel we have to push ourselves to keep moving forward. You are in good company!
But what if there was a different way to achieve goals—a way that is actually more successful and feels a WHOLE LOT BETTER?
There is, and the first step—which has been the hardest for me—is to let go, even for just 10 seconds, of the connection between your worth and your achievement.
There are countless books, blogs, articles, and social posts that say, “You are worthy.”
Guess what? They are right. It is true. You are worthy.
Hear me out…
When I said this is the hard part for me, I meant it. It’s been very real for me to look at my bank account and judge my “worthiness.” To look at my credit card balance and judge my “worthiness.” To see the engagement, or lack of it, on my blogs, social posts, or emails and judge my “worthiness.” To look at the number on the scale and judge my “worthiness.” It has been hard for me to separate those—the result and my worthiness.
I wasn’t born with that comparison behavior, but I picked it up along the way to adulthood!
My worth when I took my first breath had nothing to do with my education, my bank account, my network, my home, business, car, or my weight. My worth was solely in being created in the image of GOD, purposed by GOD, loved by GOD.
If I can, for just 10 seconds, connect with that worth—the unique essence that I was born with—all perspective changes.
Step 1: Let go of the connection between your worth and your achievements.
2. Appreciate “I Am Doing the Best I Can, and It Is Always Enough”
What would that look like? The phrase "I am doing the best I can, and it is always enough" is a powerful affirmation that embodies self-compassion.
Imagine you’ve had a long day filled with various responsibilities, from work to family commitments. By the end of the day, you find yourself feeling exhausted and perhaps a bit frustrated that you didn’t accomplish everything on your to-do list.
Instead of criticizing yourself for not getting everything done, you pause, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, “I am doing the best I can, and it is always enough.” This statement allows you to:
Acknowledge Your Effort: Recognize that you’ve worked hard and done what you could given the circumstances.
Release Perfectionism: Let go of the unrealistic expectation that you must do everything perfectly or accomplish every task.
Embrace Your Limits: Accept that you are human, with natural limits, and that what you’ve achieved is enough for today.
Foster Inner Peace: By affirming that your best effort is enough, you create a sense of peace and contentment within yourself, reducing feelings of inadequacy or guilt.
Or, let’s say you’ve been working diligently on your goal to achieve a healthier weight. You’ve been following a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and making healthier choices overall. However, after a few weeks, you notice that the scale hasn’t moved much, or you’ve experienced a minor setback, like indulging in a treat or skipping a workout.
Instead of feeling discouraged or criticizing yourself for not seeing faster progress, you take a moment to practice self-compassion. You might say to yourself:
“I am doing the best I can, and it is always enough. My body is responding at its own pace, and every positive choice I make is contributing to my overall health. Progress isn’t just measured by numbers on a scale—it’s about the habits I’m building and the care I’m showing my body.”
Why This is Important?
Acknowledges Effort: This affirmation recognizes that you’ve been putting in effort, even if the results aren’t immediately visible.
Emphasizes Long-Term Success: It shifts the focus from immediate outcomes to the long-term benefits of healthy habits.
Prevents Negative Self-Talk: By affirming that your best effort is enough, you stop the cycle of negative self-criticism that can derail your motivation.
Encourages Patience and Persistence: It reminds you that lasting change takes time and that you’re on the right path, even if progress feels slow.
This approach helps you stay committed to your health goals with a positive mindset, knowing that every step, no matter how small, is part of your journey toward better health.
Step 2: Appreciate “I am doing the best I can, and it is always enough.”
3. Dream a Soul Yes
I do a powerful exercise with my clients in my Dreaming to Doing Session, and I’ll share part of that visualization with you now.
“Imagine—right in front of you is a big door, and it’s open for you to walk through. Before you step inside, you notice the steps up into the door. What are they made of? Wood, concrete, beautiful stones? Just notice as you step up and into the open door.
This is the Land of What Is—as you look around, you see moments of your life as it is right now. No judgment—it is what is currently in your life.
Maybe you see a moment in time when you’re grabbing some fast food, knowing you want to eat healthier, knowing you’ll feel better, but you’re just too busy. Even though your clothes are feeling really uncomfortable and you really want to lose some weight—you’re just too busy.
Maybe you see a moment in time at your job. It could be magical or it could be a nightmare. No judgment—it’s just what it is.
You could see your relationships—your spouse, your kids, your parents…. Maybe they are not quite in the place you would like them to be.
Maybe you just received a diagnosis—diabetes—and you have no idea what your life will be like in the future.
You take a look around, take a deep breath, releasing any judgment, and as you look around, you see another door up ahead. It’s standing open for you to walk through. What do these steps look like up to this door? Are they the same? Are they different? Carved wood? Steps carved out of the ground? Just notice as you step through the door.
As you look around, you see the Land of Possibilities. You take a moment to stand there and take it in. These visions you see are all possibilities for you. This is not the time to think about the how—this is the time to just look and take it in.
Maybe you see a future version of you stepping on the scale, and you see the most beautiful smile come across your face. You see yourself step off the scale and fist-pump with enthusiasm!
It could be a vision of you starting a side gig. It’s something you’ve thought about but never seemed to move forward.
Maybe you received a promotion—with that comes a lot more money, more autonomy, and space for your creativity. Your future self looks so happy and fulfilled.
You see a family vacation where everyone is happy and getting along. Wow! Wouldn’t that be something?!
You take a look around in amazement, and as you do, you notice there is yet another door. This one is standing open to you as well. Take a moment and notice the steps leading up to this door. What are they made of? Beautiful precious stones, maybe diamonds? Maybe they are gold?
As you leave the Land of Possibilities and enter the next door, you notice everything in this room is blurry, hazy, like in a fog, unfocused. You realize this is the Land of Pure Potential. You can’t see the potential clearly, but you can sense the essence and the energy of everything that is potentially yours.
You might sense fulfilling your dream of having your own business, learning a new language—you’ve always thought about learning Spanish, learning to play the guitar—wouldn’t that be fun! You sense your relationships are so rich. Maybe you feel the energy of leaving the cold north and moving south. You look around and know it’s all for you. You breathe it in, and as you turn to go, you hold it all in your heart. Maybe you even put your hand on your heart as you hold it there.
You turn to go and step down onto those steps, and as you step back into the Land of Possibilities, everything here becomes instantly clearer—the possibilities become more real. You feel the bubbling up of excitement in your soul. You walk back through the Land of Possibilities and take it all in. It fills not only your heart and soul this time, but it fills your mind as well.
As you step down the next set of steps back into the “what is,” you look around with a new set of eyes. You are filled with hope, encouragement, excitement, possibility, and potential.
Your heart is full, and your mind is racing with all kinds of ideas.
Take a couple of deep breaths and pick one or two of the visions you saw and bring those with you as we come back to this moment in time. What Soul Yes dream did you bring back with you?”
Step 3: Dream a Soul Yes.
4. Choose One First Step
When you consider your Soul Yes dream, what is ONE thing, one step, that you could take right now to move you a bit closer to that dream? It’s not the WHOLE thing. It’s not the entire staircase. It’s not figuring out the entire “how.” What is ONE step?
Then, what is the next ONE step?
Examples:
Soul Yes Dream: Your dream is to feel vibrant and energetic every day by achieving and maintaining a healthy weight.
One Step Right Now: The first step might be as simple as drinking an extra glass of water today. It’s a small, manageable action that contributes to your overall goal without overwhelming you.
Next One Step: After you’ve successfully incorporated more water into your daily routine, the next step might be adding a 10-minute walk to your day. Again, it’s a small, achievable action that moves you closer to your larger goal of feeling vibrant and energetic.
This approach emphasizes progress through small, consistent actions, helping you stay motivated and focused on your health journey without the pressure of having to achieve everything at once.
Or
Soul Yes Dream: Your dream is to transition into a more fulfilling career that aligns with your passions and values.
One Step Right Now: The first step could be updating your resume or LinkedIn profile to reflect your current skills and experiences. This is a concrete action that starts moving you toward your dream without requiring you to have everything figured out.
Next One Step: Once your resume is updated, the next step might be reaching out to someone in your network for an informational interview. This allows you to gather insights and advice about your desired career path, moving you one step closer to making the transition.
By breaking down your career goal into these manageable steps, you reduce the feeling of overwhelm and create a clear path forward, one small action at a time.
Conclusion
In closing, remember that self-compassion isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity for anyone serious about achieving their goals while maintaining their well-being. By letting go of the need to equate your worth with your achievements, appreciating the effort you put forth each day, dreaming of your Soul Yes, and taking one small step at a time, you create a path that is not only effective but also filled with joy and fulfillment. Each of these steps brings you closer to the life you envision, where success is not measured by the harsh standards of perfection but by the steady, compassionate progress toward your true desires. So today, take that one step, and let self-compassion be your guide. The journey ahead is yours to create—one thoughtful, compassionate step at a time.
Ready to Go Deeper? Let’s Connect!
If this blog resonated with you and you’re interested in exploring these concepts more deeply, I’d love to chat with you. Whether you’re seeking personalized guidance on how to apply self-compassion to your goals or you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, I’m here to help.
I’m offering a free 20-minute call where we can discuss your unique challenges and aspirations. This is a no-pressure, supportive conversation designed to help you gain clarity and momentum on your path to success.
Let’s work together to create a life where you achieve your goals with joy, ease, and a whole lot of self-compassion.
Want to know about Intuitive Eating?
Read the free eBook “3 Keys to Intuitive Eating”. Rooted in the principles of Intuitive Eating, this easy-to-read eBook offers practical keys to nurturing your physical and spiritual well-being through the lens of the Christian faith.
You’ll be able to implement the three transformative keys to Intuitive Eating, by listening to your body’s signals and embrace foods that nourish both your physical health and your spiritual growth. You’ll be able to align your eating habits with the principles of God’s design, so you’ll find balance and fulfillment in your relationship with food.
You will discover a sense of calmness and freedom around food as you release the chains of rigid restrictions and dieting. Through the wisdom of Intuitive Eating and the guiding principles of your Christian beliefs, you’ll learn to honor your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, treating it with love and respect.
Dear readers and wellness enthusiasts, thank you for joining me on this journey toward a healthier and more faith-integrated life.
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Blessings on your journey!
Debra Loader is a Christian Health and Wellness Coach, a Christian Life Coach, as well as a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).
She helps women integrate their Christian faith into their health and wellness journey to find greater motivation and resilience. You can contact Debra at debra@debraloaderlivingwell.com or 810-287-4096.
Looking forward to connecting!